The "how"
This step focuses on connecting the victim’s harm to plausible solutions
The Victim's needs
Restitutions serve a big role in the granting of forgiveness; arguably the biggest role. Restitutions demonstrate that the wrongdoer’s act of apology is ‘more than mere words,’ but is a commitment to fixing the harm permanently.
Types of restitutions include:
Restoration Restitutions
Restorative restitutions focus on restoring the victim as best as possible to a state before they suffered harm. Sub-categories of restorative restitution include:
- Financial: monetary repayment or reimbursement
- Emotional or mental: bringing them back to a sense of peace and security
- Status: restoring their reputation among peers, family, and/or friend
Preventative Restitution
Preventative restitutions focus on making sure the reason(s) leading to the harm will no longer occur. This correlates to solving the root cause(s) which motivated the harmful conduct.
For example, pushing someone over might be a physical reason why they suffered a fall. But if the reason for pushing them over is anger issues, then the preventative restitution will focus on resolving said anger issues.
AVOID: Punitive Restitution
Punitive restitutions that solely exist to punish the wrongdoer should be avoided. While a measure of revenge can soothe the victim in the short-term, punitive restitutions are performative. They will neither fix the victim's harm nor help the relationship's standing.
Best strategies for formulating restitutions
Restitutions should specifically address the harm caused. Harmful conduct which caused multiple types of harms should address all of them.
For simple harms, there are usually simple solutions. If a restitution is obvious, then offer it. This includes simple fixes such as replacing lost or broken items, financial compensation, or cleaning up a mess.
Coming in with a low-ball offers can insult the victim and make the situation worse. It may cause the victim to become more reluctant to listen, trust the wrongdoer’s intent, or grant forgiveness. Low-ball offers can also make it appear as if the wrongdoer does not understand the severity of their actions or care about the victim’s needs; or is not taking the situation seriously.
Consider this principle in context of a fiscal negotiation: oftentimes, a selling party won’t even consider a buyer coming in with an outlandishly low offer for a product or service and will not waste their time negotiating with them.
Create multiple offers as backups. This ensures ready counteroffers in case other sets of offers fail.